From My Heart
I have a habit of making great lists that usually far exceed my limitations of time, energy or resources. For example, when planning a party my menu has an absurd number of food items to cook and assemble. I go into the process knowing that only about half of them will be completed, but they all go well together. This gives me the ability to change my mind if something doesn't go as planned, and having too much on the list pushes me into over drive to accomplish the tasks at hand efficiently and well. Unfortunately it is also exhausting. This bad habit of mine has carried itself from my last pregnancy into the present one and it always brings about what I call the 3rd Trimester Blues.
This is the point when I realize how little I am able to get done in a day and I start counting the days left of the pregnancy. Then I compare these against my list of To-Do's and To-Want-To-Dos, and see the gap. My heart breaks a little as I have to go about crossing things off the list because they just aren't possible. And unfortunately I struggle with feeling a teeny, tiny bit of failure in knowing that I just couldn't get it done. Almost succeeded, but as I have always said, "almost never accomplished anything".
This time around I have struggled to see the hope and joy in my bad habit. I have realized that thankfully I am self-aware enough to pre-empt exhaustion and poorly planned moments, which is why my list consistently exceeds the time alloted. If there are 11 items on the list 9 will without a doubt be accomplished and my drive to succeed will propel me into tomorrows daunting list of 8 to do items. As a stay at home mom (SAHM) there is an absence of competition and I realize this habit has allowed me to compete against myself, which motivates me in the tedious tasks.
So here I am in the 3rd trimester, crossing impossible items off the list and finding joy and peace in knowing that my best has been put forward. Thank you for hearing my heart.