Showing posts with label Manuscript Monday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Manuscript Monday. Show all posts
Faded Knees

The other day I happened to glance down and noticed my jeans
 faded at the knee.
Old jeans or poorly made these were not, yet the fade was unmistakable.
My heart
jumped
at the sight and I ran to grab my camera.
Five or six shots later I had captured it in full and my heart
settled down to ponder once more.
This gift I had been given at such a time of year is one that will not go
unnoticed
or
slip away in fear.
Long has my heart battled with fear and unrest over the quality of my work,
striving to be more than just the societal norm.
Late at night I can be found far down some bunny trail of how I
should have,
could have or
would have
done it differently.
 Next time I vow, next time.
You see, I fear the legacy I leave behind will be misunderstood
and fall short of future expectations.
And always do I wonder,
what if I were to leave them tomorrow.
How will they remember our time together?
 So these faded knees of mine are a testament and a gift.
They will be put aside when this chapter is done,
alongside those lovely torn edges of beloved books of times past.
As a reminder they will serve to settle my heart when the fears of uncertainty
creep in to rob me of my joy.
They testify that yes, sweet sons of mine, I was that mom who
chose to get down on her knees time and time again.

To build towers to the heavens,
 crawl into forts too small,
 to speak words of love and discipline intimately.

The fading is a badge that this choice of mine
has brought me to my knees and for that
my heart soars. 
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Redeemed Moments
 As a parent there are many crossroads you face and sometimes you just have to make a decision and pray that it was the best decision out of the available options. We have learned that often the right choice won't manifest fruit for awhile, while the wrong choice will show the ugliness of its face quickly. This leads to much waiting and praying, and more waiting.


 Around the start of this past year we were convicted over our word choice when talking about work and school. We realized that we were using a down tone and words like "have to" rather than "gets to". Now we all know why we did that, neither of us wanted him to be gone. At the time Baby Love was small enough that there wasn't anything he was doing that told us this needed to change, it was simply a quiet voice of conviction. We resolved to change how we spoke about these matters and to truly find in our hearts a grateful place from which to speak. For we are grateful he has a job. Incredibly grateful he is doing well in classes and gets to continue his studies. And equally blessed when he is able to be home with us. 


 We have successfully altered how we speak about these areas and in turn have noticed our hearts changing as well. Whether or not this made a difference to Baby Love was still an unknown until the other day. 


 During play time he picked up his "case" that he says is for "work", packed it up. Grabbed his favorite ball, said goodbye to his toys then with a huge and beaming smile on his face came to kiss me goodbye. I asked where he was going and he said "work", with a bright smile on his face! He proceeded to march to the door where he stood for a period of about 30 seconds. Then he turned and walked back into the room, put his "case" down where Kevin puts his briefcase when he gets home, and ran to kiss me hello. I thanked him for going to work and asked how it was. He replied "good!" with enthusiasm and joy. In response to me asking if he did any important work he hemmmed and replied "yeah". Then went about greeting his toys. We did this at least 20 times that day. Each time the joy and tenacity was there. It was a moment where all of our hard work and the listening to the tiny conviction in our hearts, were manifested and redeemed! What a wonderful moment! It made me sit and think about all of the other tough decisions we have made and I dreamt for a second of what those would look like when they too are redeemed. Only for a second though, for my little man was returning from work and wanted another kiss....
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A Call To Discipline
*I wrote this about a month ago and hesitate to share it, but in hopes it might encourage another hardworking mom/dad I am sharing it...


From My Heart
Recently I have felt called to exercise discipline in the mundane parts of my life. It started with our ladies Bible Study at church being one of the drier options I have ever tried to tackle before. But for all of the hurdles one thing was said throughout and that was to do something new, to "Step Up". The author's heart is so pure and that hit me at my core. So I set out to not let her study defeat me and every time I encountered an exercise or even a question I didn't feel like doing I wrote in the margins "Step Up" and pushed through. 

In doing so I noticed myself hearing this little phrase echo throughout first my week and now it is daily. Always in the little areas, which makes it more convicting. As it came in waves the other day I began to ponder why it was important. Being so exhausted and not having gotten good sleep in a few nights "Stepping Up" seemed so much less appealing, not to mention lacking in reward. Suddenly I had a vision of myself in the gym 10 years ago, barking at rowers to push through. To build on the foundation of yesterday. To maintain, maintain, maintain. Reminding them that the decision to not push through today would not only prevent building strength, but result in a loss of muscle tone. All of their hard work could be lost in a few weeks of carelessness and there were races coming up. They would row the race regardless of how strong they were, or how disciplined they had been in training.

Clarity came in that moment. That memory reminded me of how important it is to be disciplined and faithful in the training period. In this moment I am choosing discipline in my mundane moments. This means doing the steps of my study that seems fruitless. Working hard to be on time, no excuses needed. To prepare the night before for a play date. Rising earlier in the morning to help our home wake up to happiness and an organized routine. Remembering doctors appointments, grocery lists and coffee dates. 
Just to mention a few areas.

 All of us will have races to row, 
whether we are ready or not... 
and I want to be ready. 
Toned and Disciplined, finishing strong.
Notice the bossy brunette at the front of that winning boat? Yep, that's Abbey!
*Every other (well almost every other) Monday I am going to post a "Musing" in an effort to work and stretch my composition muscles.Feel free to comment, read along, or skip all-together! 
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